Release from ‘mother guilt’

Release from mother guilt. Who are you and what makes you tick as a woman and mum. I’d love to hear your responses. Cate x

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There are very few days where I go to bed at night fist pumping,

“Yes, I nailed it!” as a mum.

Most days I crawl into bed wondering how I could do better, counsel better, be more present, be more this or that.

Today, as I was fielding a series of 6 rapid fire questions,

In the space of about 20 seconds,

From my 9 year old,

About random, inconsequential things,

As I’m trying to negotiate an intersection and peak hour traffic,

‘What time is it?’

‘What are we having for dinner?’

‘Can I go to the park with my friends because they are going to be there and they said I can play with them.’

‘When does Jude come home?’

‘Is he in Canberra or Sydney?’

‘I need to go to the toilet…’

I realised something about myself that took some of the guilt away.

I am not one for small talk.

In fact, my personality (INFJ) says that I yearn for solitude.

Small talk is one of my pet hates.

As an INFJ, I am energised by spending time alone,

By thinking deeply and by working through complex and abstract thoughts.

I am enlivened by deep, authentic communication,

Not menial things like how many minutes until this or that,

Which is a large part of what matters to my son right now in this phase of his life.

The fact that I don’t get into what he’s talking about

Doesn’t make me a bad mum.

Do I try to act interested?

Do I make eye contact and nod and answer his questions?

Yes, yes and yes.

But am I truly making a heart to heart connnection?

No, not in that moment.

Does it matter?

No, it doesn’t.

I don’t have to love the questions,

Or feel terrible because I am not ‘engaged,’

Or enthralled at every word my child speaks to me.

It’s ok not to be ‘connected’ or present some of the times.

The point is, I am there.

I love them deeply and care for and show them in many ways.

They have a clean house to come home to.

They have a mother who is able to work at the same school and who gets to see them when other mums don’t have that chance.

They have a mum who is paving a way for their heritage, by leaving a legacy of song and word and strong demonstration.

They know I am trustworthy, compassionate and kind,

And they always have somewhere they can run when life gets crazy or scary or too much.

They might have a mum who would rather retreat into her bedroom to write or to catch a moment of silence,

But they also have a mum who is good at scratching their heads and wiping away their tears with tenderness.

My personality type makes up 1% of the population.

Yes, I know, I am a rare species.

🙂

I think that’s why I’m still in many ways trying to work out how I function

And why my husband looks at me strangely sometimes.

But the point is, when you understand who you are and how you are wired,

It releases you of a lot of the guilt that you tend to experience,

Especially as a mum.

Why don’t you see who you are.

It helps settle some of the ‘mother guilt.’

Apparently this is me.

The Advocate, Confidant and Protector.

I am a man and have white facial hair.

infj

Cate x

The personality test is attached below.

I’d love to hear who you are and what makes you tick as a mum.

Enjoy x

Personality Assessment – Enjoy (16 Personality Types)