Release from ‘mother guilt’

Release from mother guilt. Who are you and what makes you tick as a woman and mum. I’d love to hear your responses. Cate x

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There are very few days where I go to bed at night fist pumping,

“Yes, I nailed it!” as a mum.

Most days I crawl into bed wondering how I could do better, counsel better, be more present, be more this or that.

Today, as I was fielding a series of 6 rapid fire questions,

In the space of about 20 seconds,

From my 9 year old,

About random, inconsequential things,

As I’m trying to negotiate an intersection and peak hour traffic,

‘What time is it?’

‘What are we having for dinner?’

‘Can I go to the park with my friends because they are going to be there and they said I can play with them.’

‘When does Jude come home?’

‘Is he in Canberra or Sydney?’

‘I need to go to the toilet…’

I realised something about myself that took some of the guilt away.

I am not one for small talk.

In fact, my personality (INFJ) says that I yearn for solitude.

Small talk is one of my pet hates.

As an INFJ, I am energised by spending time alone,

By thinking deeply and by working through complex and abstract thoughts.

I am enlivened by deep, authentic communication,

Not menial things like how many minutes until this or that,

Which is a large part of what matters to my son right now in this phase of his life.

The fact that I don’t get into what he’s talking about

Doesn’t make me a bad mum.

Do I try to act interested?

Do I make eye contact and nod and answer his questions?

Yes, yes and yes.

But am I truly making a heart to heart connnection?

No, not in that moment.

Does it matter?

No, it doesn’t.

I don’t have to love the questions,

Or feel terrible because I am not ‘engaged,’

Or enthralled at every word my child speaks to me.

It’s ok not to be ‘connected’ or present some of the times.

The point is, I am there.

I love them deeply and care for and show them in many ways.

They have a clean house to come home to.

They have a mother who is able to work at the same school and who gets to see them when other mums don’t have that chance.

They have a mum who is paving a way for their heritage, by leaving a legacy of song and word and strong demonstration.

They know I am trustworthy, compassionate and kind,

And they always have somewhere they can run when life gets crazy or scary or too much.

They might have a mum who would rather retreat into her bedroom to write or to catch a moment of silence,

But they also have a mum who is good at scratching their heads and wiping away their tears with tenderness.

My personality type makes up 1% of the population.

Yes, I know, I am a rare species.

🙂

I think that’s why I’m still in many ways trying to work out how I function

And why my husband looks at me strangely sometimes.

But the point is, when you understand who you are and how you are wired,

It releases you of a lot of the guilt that you tend to experience,

Especially as a mum.

Why don’t you see who you are.

It helps settle some of the ‘mother guilt.’

Apparently this is me.

The Advocate, Confidant and Protector.

I am a man and have white facial hair.

infj

Cate x

The personality test is attached below.

I’d love to hear who you are and what makes you tick as a mum.

Enjoy x

Personality Assessment – Enjoy (16 Personality Types)

Who Do You Think You Are?

I asked myself that question.

It was a few years ago.

And the thing I remember,

Was that answering it involved going through an arduous,

Sometimes beautiful, sometimes bitter sweet process of asking myself,

Who do you think you are?

And the even more confronting question,

‘Why do you deserve to occupy the space you are taking up on the earth?’

I feel I now know,

And because I know,

I want to share a little of how I got there and how answering this question can profoundly

And exquisitely change your life.

Because it changed mine.

The first thing I realised was that there was only one me.

You’ve heard the saying,

Be the best version of you?

Well, I realised that to live in the full flow of my humanity,

I had to come to terms with the very inspiring fact that I was the only one of me that has ever lived,

Or would ever live.

be_the_best_version_of_you_quote_poster-r6bd55e25359f4f0f83c0815fcb7f6b29_wvc_8byvr_512

I don’t know people think about this much.

If we did,

We would be a whole lot more purposeful with how we spent this one life we’ve been entrusted with.

We would live lives of greatness and fullness and ascribe the value to them they deserve.

Which brings me to another truth I learned.

I learned how to value me.

This caused an unprecedented revelation of the worth and the value of the life I’d been given to live.

I began placing value on myself in areas where I’d previously not seen it or acknowledged it,

Which in turn gave me the permission and scope for the vision I needed to start dreaming big dreams and then put legs on those dreams.

I realised that my dreamer had been shut down many years ago.

I had let the moss and the overgrown thorny hedge grow over it like it no longer existed.

I was afraid to dream because I didn’t want to be disappointed,

And I didn’t see myself as having dreams worthy of significance in the scheme of God’s world.

I learned that this was ‘letting God down 101’ because He was expecting that I would not only use those gifts,

But use them to care for others,

Causing a harvest in a circle much broader than merely my own tiny one.

So I learned to dream again,

And the dreams were big,

Too big for me to do alone,

Which is where I learned how to partner with God and His dreams for humanity.

Another thing I learned was to truly love myself.

Being a perfect melancholy,

I had always found this hard.

I’d consistently been the ‘glass half full’, ‘need to have everything in my life perfect’ kind of person,

Or I wasn’t happy.

But this journey of finding out who I am,

In God and in me,

Has caused me to become aware of and accept every part of me,

My weaknesses, my strengths,

My failures, my imperfections,

My successes, my gifts,

My quirks, my personality, my perspectives,

My history…ilikemeBecause I know that loving me for me is critical to a life well lived.

Plus,

It’s sisters,

Like humility and empathy,

Develop from this deep awareness that you will never have it all together

And that’s ok.

Moreover, I discovered that by knowing who I was,

I was becoming less and less interested in what others thought of me

Or in comparing my life to anothers.

I realised that what I had been given was a gift and I took it with increasing gratitude.

Every day, every moment, every hour which turned into a week and a month and years.

I began owning my time and stewarding the little I had been entrusted with,

With great faithfulness.

And I noticed a beautiful thing begin to happen.

It started to multiply,

And grow,

And I began giving and contributing and looking outward for opportunities to influence and give and share.

I have heard it said that through life,

We encounter ‘intervals of possibility’.

Intervals of possibility are moments that bring dramatic change into our otherwise unsuspecting lives.

They come in the form of natural disasters, cancer, marriage breakdowns, losing our job, falling in love…

And it’s in these moments that we find ourselves asking the questions that we should have been asking all along…

Who do we think we are?

What legacy do we want to leave?

Am I being a faithful steward of every tiny little thing that God has put in my hands, including this once in a lifetime life of mine?quote

Now, less and less frequently do I find myself wasting time and energy on things I don’t love doing,

Or things I don’t place a value on.

So family comes first,

And God,

As do other people,

And myself,

Cultivating the gifts I have been given that God has called me to give voice to while I’m here.

You see,

When you see who you are,

And whose you are,

Everything else crystallises in its wake.

You stop questioning whether or not you are born to a life of influence,

Or significance,

Or of whether those dreams will ever become a reality…

You know without a doubt they will.

You know you were born for such a time as this.

You know the world is your oyster,

Then all of a sudden,

The very substance of your life becomes richer,

The pace of it becomes faster,

And you start living the life you were always destined to live.

Who do you think you are?

Cate x