There are very few days where I go to bed at night fist pumping,
“Yes, I nailed it!” as a mum.
Most days I crawl into bed wondering how I could do better, counsel better, be more present, be more this or that.
Today, as I was fielding a series of 6 rapid fire questions,
In the space of about 20 seconds,
From my 9 year old,
About random, inconsequential things,
As I’m trying to negotiate an intersection and peak hour traffic,
‘What time is it?’
‘What are we having for dinner?’
‘Can I go to the park with my friends because they are going to be there and they said I can play with them.’
‘When does Jude come home?’
‘Is he in Canberra or Sydney?’
‘I need to go to the toilet…’
I realised something about myself that took some of the guilt away.
I am not one for small talk.
In fact, my personality (INFJ) says that I yearn for solitude.
Small talk is one of my pet hates.
As an INFJ, I am energised by spending time alone,
By thinking deeply and by working through complex and abstract thoughts.
I am enlivened by deep, authentic communication,
Not menial things like how many minutes until this or that,
Which is a large part of what matters to my son right now in this phase of his life.
The fact that I don’t get into what he’s talking about
Doesn’t make me a bad mum.
Do I try to act interested?
Do I make eye contact and nod and answer his questions?
Yes, yes and yes.
But am I truly making a heart to heart connnection?
No, not in that moment.
Does it matter?
No, it doesn’t.
I don’t have to love the questions,
Or feel terrible because I am not ‘engaged,’
Or enthralled at every word my child speaks to me.
It’s ok not to be ‘connected’ or present some of the times.
The point is, I am there.
I love them deeply and care for and show them in many ways.
They have a clean house to come home to.
They have a mother who is able to work at the same school and who gets to see them when other mums don’t have that chance.
They have a mum who is paving a way for their heritage, by leaving a legacy of song and word and strong demonstration.
They know I am trustworthy, compassionate and kind,
And they always have somewhere they can run when life gets crazy or scary or too much.
They might have a mum who would rather retreat into her bedroom to write or to catch a moment of silence,
But they also have a mum who is good at scratching their heads and wiping away their tears with tenderness.
My personality type makes up 1% of the population.
Yes, I know, I am a rare species.
I think that’s why I’m still in many ways trying to work out how I function
And why my husband looks at me strangely sometimes.
But the point is, when you understand who you are and how you are wired,
It releases you of a lot of the guilt that you tend to experience,
Especially as a mum.
Why don’t you see who you are.
It helps settle some of the ‘mother guilt.’
Apparently this is me.
The Advocate, Confidant and Protector.
I am a man and have white facial hair.
The personality test is attached below.
I’d love to hear who you are and what makes you tick as a mum.