I took my kids to the beach this morning.
Under the azure blue sky I had one of the first moments to capture and put on hold my busy, running away from me life.
I got to breathe in and out and hear the water lap the shore.
I got to stop and sit and think about nothing, but everything.
I’ve had so much to process I haven’t known where to start.
Like taking 74 women away for the weekend down south on a creative retreat.
So much happened.
It was a significant milestone in my life.
It was a dream realised.
Since the weekend, I have wanted to write and write.
I haven’t had the first word that I knew would start the avalanche
Of words and emotions that I know are in there.
I can’t find them, but I know they’re in there.
Too many feelings,
So many possibilities.
So many new friendships and potential.
I was overwhelmed at what transpired on the weekend.
I was stretched.
I felt vulnerable, but big.
I know my capacity is increasing and stretching.
And I asked for that.
I am up for that.
I can see it coming.
But its almost taking my breath away.
It’s requiring me to take my hands off the wheel and allow Him to put His foot on the accelerator.
I want Him to drive.
He steers straight and in a true direction.
He drives with certainty and never faster than I can handle.
For someone who is wanting to stay safe and small
And keep her life in some intact, ziplocked, contained, intoverted state,
It’s scary to trust the bigness that driving with God brings.
But I’m surrendering even more and letting the words begin to come out one at a time.
The weekend for me was a significant moment in my history.
It was a dream realised.
Ropes from one person to another were fastened and connected,
The tent pegs were most certainly enlarged.
The unfurling of the tent that lay over me now seems too big for me to inhabit on my own.
And that’s the point.
This is bigger than me.
It is spacious but is floating on the wind.
I haven’t pinned it down yet.
There’s so much room to move in it,
And I don’t know how to fill it out.
And if it were solely up to me I’d be completely freaked out.
That’s why I feel overwhelmed.
I’m learning to trust God again
With the next step.
It’s bigger than me.
Plans that I’ve been dreaming of for years came to pass and stared me in the face.
I wasn’t ready for that.
I knew it was coming, but I wasn’t ready for it.
When your dreams are realised, its almost as confronting as when they’re not.
You are forced to see if they measured up to the dream you had,
And then you are forced to find new ones.
Enlarge your tent.
Fill out the space.
I am in a season of seeing dreams come to pass
But also growing into new ones.
The new ones that are coming into my life are massive.
They require me to take my hands off the steering wheel and simply yell,
‘You do it!’
I can’t anymore.
God is my helper. He is my very present help in times of trouble. I will not be afraid.
Its a challenging space to be in.
To start the process again to see what lays on the horizon.
To allow the realisation of a dream to float into the history chapter of my life
And to venture once more into unchartered waters where my trust is without borders.
Beginnings and endings.
That’s all for now.
I’ll write again tomorrow.